I know I am not the only one glad to be rid of 2017. It was a year of massive disappointments and grief. 

All of it led me down the path of philosophy and, eventually, while trying to decipher ‘Genealogy of Morality’ I found Stoicism.

Stoicism teaches that all things are beyond our control. We cannot rely on external events, only on ourselves. Through perseverance we will overcome hardship, and through self control we will come out stronger in the end.

I think I was in a really low place, and I was looking for something to believe in. Stoicism has definitely helped me muddle through all the crap that happened last year, and taught me that I am stronger than I know and that I can and will overcome whatever is thrown at me.

I think some people have the wrong idea about Stoicism, believing that Stoics just put on a facade of calm acceptance and deny themselves the ability to feel. 

The ancient Stoics teach that acceptance of events outside of our control (the most common and inescapable being death) will lead to a happier life. Most of the the things we concern ourselves with cannot be controlled. 

Seneca says, “if an evil as been pondered beforehand, the blow is gentle when it comes.” 

A common teaching of Stoicism is to mentally prepare oneself for the worst each day. Seneca, adviser to Emperor Nero in Ancient Rome, would actually set aside days in the year to ‘practice’ misfortune. He would live in poverty so as to really see what it was he feared.

Maybe you don’t need to go to that extreme. Just thinking of all the things that could go wrong and accepting that it is outside your control will take the fear out of the day.

As someone prone to attacks of anxiety, I have moments when I need to ask myself, ‘what is the worst thing that could happen?’ Accepting that it might happen, and being prepared for it, make the thing seem less scary.

Fear is something I want to let go of this year. I want to embrace life without the constant worry about what’s going to happen in the future. Easier said than done, I know. 

“Life is very short and anxious for those who forget the past, neglect the present and fear the future.” 

Seneca

In an effort to put aside all the bad stuff from last year, I am trying just to be the best version of myself. I am not going to make resolutions I have no hope of keeping, because that would be counter-productive. But I will make small goals, and gradually increase them, and you never know!

I sometimes feel that, each day, my hopes and dreams drift further away.

They are intangible things, to be sure. They are wily things of mist that slip from your grasp and curl gently away. Perhaps that is why we have them. To live is to constantly hope for things that may never be. We must always be without something, so that we must strive towards it. Then, once we finally grab hold of it, and it is no longer that unsubstantial wisp of smoke, we grow bored of it. We hope for something else.

There are things I constantly yearn for, believing that if I get them, I will be happy. The truth is, I am sure I will just move on to something else because maybe I find it impossible to be happy with what I have. Perhaps that is just who I am.

With each thing I accomplish, I don’t stop for long enough to allow myself to breathe, to soak the success in, and just be in the moment. I wish I could. Instead I feel time slipping away and I scramble to do all the things I feel I should do, instead of focusing on what is important to me.

I try to make the effort to focus ony dreams. I feel like it shouldn’t be effort, if it is something I really want to do. But if I don’t push myself, then I will never actually do it. I will get caught up in the endless tide of work, sleep, eat, work, sleep, eat. I will curl up on the lounge and watch Netflix rather than sit at my computer for even an hour to write.

I just hope that (and there’s that word again, ‘hope’) when I finally achieve this goal, this seemingly insurmountable goal, I can stop. I can smile. I can take it all in.

Because, as Emily Dickinson once wrote,

Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul

That sings the tune without the words

And never stops at all.

And so I will not stop. Even on nights like these, when it seems foolish to even dare to hope. Because that’s all I have at the moment – hopes and dreams.

March 10th marked the 20-year anniversary of TV show Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. A whole lot of new merchandise is being released (my wallet won’t thank me for that), and it has brought me back to all the reasons why I loved this groundbreaking TV show. It is no lie that Buffy is my favourite show ever. I was hooked from the beginning, and I have watched and re-watched it many times over the years.

Buffy was a great show in many ways. The witty dialogue, intriguing and well-formed characters, and arcing storylines are what it is most known for. The fact that the creators of the show did so much with the small budget they had only makes me love it all the more.

It was one of the shows that really inspired me in writing. The script was always well-written (something that can often be lacking in even some of the highest-rated TV shows), and the character quirks and development really got me thinking when it came to my own character creation. There was never a dull character on Buffy (though there were a few unlikable ones). I loved the contrast of good and evil, and all the messy things in between.

More than that, I loved the themes of belonging. Watching a show about a group of outcasts in school really resonated with me, because I was not exactly in the popular crowd. More than that, doesn’t every teenager go through a phase of feeling like they don’t belong? It showed that the nerd can become a super witch, and the dorky guy can save the world (and date the most popular girl in school!). Even after the high school years the themes of family and friendship were always prominent.

To commemorate the 20-year anniversary I am going to list my top 10 favourite episodes of Buffy. As it would be impossible for me to put the list in order, I will just put them in order of which season they are from.

WARNING: There are serious spoilers ahead. If you haven’t watched the whole show, then… wait, why wouldn’t you have watched the show?

1. School Hard (S2 E3)

This is a very watchable episode because of the introduction of the new ‘Big Bad’ in town – Spike and Drusilla. Great as the show already was, the addition of Spike brought it to that extra level. I love the way he comes in, with the insane Drusilla traipsing wraithlike behind him. I particularly enjoy the connection that he has with Angel, since it was Angel who drove Drusilla insane and then turned her into a vampire (as we later discover).

I think I just love the fact that they are all stuck in the high school, especially that Willow and Cordelia are trapped in a broom cupboard together (and remain there, even after the vampire threat has passed). I like that Buffy is bending over backwards to make the parent-teacher night a success, with Principal Snyder breathing down her neck.

It also has a great Joyce moment, when she hits Spike over the head with the fire axe. “Get the hell away from my daughter.”

2. Becoming, Parts 1 and 2 (S2 E21-22)

It was so hard to just pick one of the episodes from this season finale. It works so well together as a whole. Probably of every episode of Buffy, this is the season finale I cry the most over. The ‘Close Your Eyes’ Buffy/Angel love score by Christophe Beck has to be one of my favourite pieces of music from the entire show. The entire season had a lot of build-up to the moment when Buffy makes the fateful decision to kill Angel. I mean, killing the love of your life to save the world is pretty much the ultimate sacrifice. It’s no wonder she runs away to LA and changes her name to Anne after this.

3. Doppelgangland (S3 E16)

There are a lot of good episodes in season 3. There are great characters, like the additions of Faith, the Mayor and, of course, Wesley. This episode just really gets me. I love the fact that everyone thinks Willow has been turned into a vampire. Of all the ‘evil twin’ episodes of Buffy, this is the best. The awkward sort of chemistry between Cordelia and Wesley, and especially the part where Willow pretends to be a vampire. One of my favourite quotes is, “I’m a blood-sucking fiend, look at my outfit!”

4. Graduation Day, Part 2 (S3 E22)

Unlike with Becoming, I did not include the first part of the episode in this. Why? I don’t like it as much because of the whole Buffy killing faith (well, almost), and Angel nearly killing Buffy, deal. What I do love is the final fight of the students against the vampires, and the transformation of the Mayor in the middle of his speech at Graduation. All this typical supernatural stuff, interspersed with the normalcy of a high school graduation, creates a wonderful juxtaposition. It is one of my favourite (dare I even say my favourite?) season finale of the series.

Another particularly good part is that Dawn’s introduction into the show is hinted at even from this episode. Faith’s words, “little miss muffet counting down from 7-3-0” refers both to Buffy’s death two seasons from now, and Dawn’s appearance at the beginning of season 5. Just knowing that these plots were developed so early on is both awesome and chilling.

5. Pangs (S4 E8)

This is actually my favourite episode of all time. I have probably watched this episode more than any other. At first I could not really put my finger on why I always watched it. I mean, it is a hilarious episode. It’s like a dysfunctional family holiday. You’ve got Spike, the neutered vampire tied to a chair. Then there’s Xander, cursed with Syphillis and Smallpox with his girlfriend Anya, the ex-demon. There is Giles the former watcher arguing over history with the witch Willow. In the middle of it all is Buffy, trying to have the perfect thanksgiving, completely unaware that Angel has come back to ‘watch over’ her. I love how the scoobies think Angel is evil when they run into him, and the slip Xander makes at the end of the episode that he was in town.

6. Hush (S4 E10)

This a great episode for many reasons. For one, most of the episode is completely without speech. For another, it was one of the creepiest episodes of Buffy I saw (though that whole alien on the ceiling one from season 5 is up there on the list). Overall, it is just so well-done. I love all the miscommunication that can happen when people can’t speak, like when Xander thinks Spike bit Anya. My favourite scene is when Giles is trying to explain to the Scoobies what is happening through use of a projector, backed by the eerie Danse Macabre by Camille Saint-Saens.

7. Restless (S4 E22)

Okay, so it is becoming pretty clear that I like season 4. There are just so many great episodes in it! The characters are all in a great place, and it is kind of a transition year from their high school lives to their adult, college lives.

This episode is particularly awesome because of the dream sequences of the four central members of the scooby gang after their pooling of power to take down Adam. The spirit of the first Slayer is stalking them, and this combined with some foreshadowing and just the regular wacky dreams stuff makes it particularly entertaining and enlightening.

Best quote ever: “I wear the cheese; The cheese does not wear me.”

8. The Body (S5 E16)

Another very well done episode. There is a sort of intriguing simplicity, and a raw sense of realism to it. The entire episode is without music. The actors perform so well in this because you truly believe that this is real. Even though this show is, essentially, fantasy, this episode draws a very clear picture of grief in all its forms and stages.

There are some notable moments. Anya not knowing how to deal with death because she has never really faced her own mortality, and now it is staring her in the face. Her speech is moving, and one of Anya’s best scenes in the show.

There is Buffy frantically trying to resuscitate her mother, and a flash of how things could have been in a perfect world. The paramedics revive Joyce and she is fine and everything is tied up in a mlneat little package. But life isn’t like that.

All in all, this is one of the most heart wrenching episodes of Buffy.

9. Once More, With Feeling (S6 E7)

The musical episode! I am a big fan of musicals, so you can imagine my delight when I heard there was going to be a musical episode of Buffy. When it first came on TV we taped the episode and I watched it over and over again.

I know that Joss Whedon had been wanting to do a musical episode for a while. He had the ideas, the songs, and most of the cast had extensive musical backgrounds. Every song was great, nothing seemed forced or overdone. I would have loved for it to be a movie, but mostly because I wanted more songs.

10. Chosen (S7 E22)

The final episode of Buffy. I remember watching this on TV and sitting there after it was over in a kind of shock. I could not believe it was over. But it was probably the best series finale of any show because it didn’t try too hard to tie everything up in a neat bow, but it also didn’t end on a stupid cliffhanger. It was filled with all the usual things – sacrifice, heartache, grim determination and, finally, hope.

 

 

Naturally, this list could change at any given time. Some of the episodes, like Pangs, came immediately to my mind but it always depends with the others, given my mood.

As you could imagine, I was so psyched to discover that the Buffy cast had gathered for a reunion photo shoot for Entertainment Weekly. I can’t wait to hunt down a copy of the magazine!

 

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted, but time really flies and, well, I have been going through some serious writer’s block!

I know that this isn’t really an excuse not to write – indeed, I encourage people to write through it in the hopes that they can conquer the maelstrom that is writer’s block. It is so easy to write when the inspiration just flows, but what about when your muse disappears and self-doubt rears its ugly head? It’s not so easy to embrace creativity and believe in what you are writing when you are second-guessing yourself.

Emotion is a powerful motivator in writing. Whenever I am angry, happy or sad I turn to writing as an emotional outlet. It’s some of the best kind of therapy, and you get progress from it. But lately I haven’t been motivated by any strong emotion. I have felt void of any inspiration, and every time I go to write it all feels pointless.

Any writer goes through this at some point. I’ve gone through it plenty of times. That’s what I tell myself. But it is so frustrating to have all these plans and ideas and not be able to put them into words. I mean, wouldn’t it be great if there was some device that could just transfer our thoughts to paper (or a word document)?

I know the only way to get through it is to keep trying. Sure, it seems impossible, but a wise bird once said, “you’re sure to do impossible things, if you follow your heart!” In case you didn’t get the reference, that’s from the movie Thumbelina. Though it’s not a Disney movie, I think it’s good enough to be.

If only we all had some cartoon animal to remind us we’re fantastic every time we had a crisis of self-doubt. In the end, however, we only have ourselves.

In the meantime, while I plug out the words for my story slowly but (hopefully) surely, I am doing other things that I hope will help fuel the fires of my motivation. I am reading like crazy, all different genres, fiction and non-fiction and poetry. I’m currently reading the Jack West Jr series by Australian author Matthew Reilly – check them out, they’re like an action movie in book-form!

Remember to keep going, because sometimes that’s all you can do. And hopefully, somewhere along the way, we will get to where we need to go.

In the meantime, watch this video for that song from Thumbelina and maybe it will inspire you!

I think a really important part of writing is the right setting. I’m not necessarily talking about where to sit, or what time of the day you write, but those can be important too. I prefer to write at my computer, either my desktop or my little laptop. I prefer a comfortable spot, without too many distractions around me. Here are a few habits I have picked up over the years with writing:

1. Music – Music has the power to inspire. More so, I feel, than movies or TV, because it creates a picture in your mind. Different music makes you feel different things. It forces your imagination to come alive. It is similar to books in that way. This is a personal opinion, but I think movies and TV (much as I love them) tell you what you are supposed to feel. With music, as with books, it is more open to interpretation. My musical preference can vary depending on my mood, as well as what I am writing. Sometimes I just listen to instrumental music. Some bands release an entire instrumental CD, along with their albums. Epica, in particular, do this. I also thoroughly enjoy the work of violinist Lindsey Stirling.

If I am listening to music with vocals, I listen to bands like Kamelot and Nightwish – metal bands that make use of orchestral music combined with heavy metal. Their songs always tell a story, make you think, and make you feel. For me, they also inspire. On the other hand, I really enjoy listening to Mumford and Sons. I am very open to my music tastes, but there are certain types I primarily listen to while writing.

I think the trick is finding what music works for you – what will inspire you as well as focus you. Don’t get me wrong, I still get plenty distracted by music. When certain songs come on, I just have to sing along. Sometimes I don’t even realise I am doing it.

2. Tea – I drink a lot of tea while I write. My favourite is green tea, but I sometimes have different herbal combinations. Green tea is good for headaches – which I get frequently, and for calming nerves (of which I get a lot). Plus, it is good for you!

I drink a lot of water, as well, especially since it is so damn hot here in Sydney. Like, the other night it was 29 degrees celsius at midnight! Like, universe, what is up with that?

3. No Distractions – I usually prefer to write alone. If my housemate is home, for example, we get talking and it could be hours later before I turn back to my writing. Nothing wrong with a good gossip, but for me it is from one distraction to the other. So that’s why I can’t watch TV while I write. The other day I put Archer on, thinking I have seen it so many times I’m unlikely to be distracted. I was wrong. I mean, it is so stupid on one level, but on the other… it’s awesome. Another key thing is to keep your phone far away from you – stay away from social media. Because I know well how easily distracted you can get by Instagram and Facebook. During your writing time, you need to make it a priority!

3. Reward yourself – Not like with a Ferrari or something. First, who has the money for that? And second, it’s kind of a douchey car. But reward yourself in small ways. Treat yourself to some chocolate if you get a thousand words done. During NaNoWriMo it was a finger bun! Bribing yourself is good, especially when you are getting something done that you really want done! I often reward myself with some Skyrim (though, that being said, is there ever such a thing as some Skyrim?).

Then for bigger goals, like finishing your draft, buy something for yourself that you wouldn’t normally. Some shoes you really want, or that new game you really want to play.

In the end, it all comes down to personal preference. There are some days where I simply write in silence. Sometimes the inspiration comes to me so fast that everything around me just fades away and I write. God, I wish that happened more often.

You need to find what works for you, find a happy place. More importantly, a place you can relax and feel free to let your imagination have full reign. Then, on the days where nothing seems to come go for a walk or hang out with friends… read a book! Remember, inspiration can come from the most random places!

So happy writing, and remember to find your happy place!

As promised, another book review! This one is The Bronze Horseman by Paullina Simons.

This book was a recommendation from a friend at work. Every time I saw her, she complimented the heck out of it, saying it’s her favourite book. As we have a lot of common interests, and this is a genre I don’t usually read, I thought I would have a go at reading it.

Firstly, the book is named as such for the 1833 poem The Bronze Horseman by Aleksandr Pushkin. The reason for the title, it becomes clear, is because the poem is often quoted throughout the novel. For a more historical context, one focus of the poem is Pushkin’s depiction of Peter the Great, Tsar of Russia. Peter was depicted as a great leader, and in Soviet Russia Stalin was compared to him. The people praised Stalin as their own great leader.

To give a little outline of the story, the book is set in Leningrad, Russia in 1941 at the time the Germans invade the country. It is centred around a story of two sisters, Tatiana and Dasha, and a soldier Alexander. It is the story of a love that advances and blossoms despite many obstacles, and in the face of overwhelming adversity. It is heartwarming and heartbreaking, full of hope and despair.

I have never read a book like this before. I thought it would be, primarily, a love story. I suppose it is that. But the book goes into excruciating detail to describe the bombing of the city, the harshness of the Leningrad winter, and the famine that threatens to overwhelm everyone. It goes from one extreme – a love story – to another – a tale of a family struggling to survive during war. I found a lot of it interesting, as during this time the Soviet Union was a communist society headed by Joseph Stalin. The amount of blind faith that the characters (indeed, Russians in general) showed in Stalin, even in the face of a terrible winter war, was astounding.

There were plenty of moments I wanted to put the book down. Not because it was bad. Indeed, I think Simons captures each character perfectly. The manner of speaking, frame of mind and habits are all well written. The Russian culture is not exaggerated, but comes across as perfectly natural. But there were some terrible moments. The famine suffered is heartbreaking, the way the family in question were eating so little. Eventually, they were eating bread that they realised was mostly sawdust rather than flour. The way people would just lay down and die in the streets from both the cold and hunger, and the people that would succumb to cannibalism because there was nothing else to eat. It was extremely eye-opening. That, and the way the constant bombing of the city became normal.

This is the first book I have read by Paullina Simons and I have to say, if this is any indication of the rest of her novels I am definitely intrigued to read more of her work. Even despite the terrible things that happen, it is worth a read. Even if you read it just for the love story – for it is truly amazing. The way two peoples’ love can survive the brutal winter, the war, famine and disease. It provides a message that pulls on your heartstrings – love can outlast anything.

The only thing I did not like – at no real fault of the author, simply a personal preference – is the main character and some of her behaviours. I think they are pretty spot-on for a woman of her time, but some of her decisions irritated me. Again, this is just my opinion. But she was a very realistic and well-formed character, which is more important than me liking her. I have read plenty of books that I have enjoyed, while not 100% liking the main character.

All in all, if you are looking for some good historical fiction during wartime, I would highly recommend it. There are two more books following this, I believe. This would probably still be fine as a once-off, but the story is left somewhat unfinished and the ending is bittersweet.

When I end up reading the next books, I may review them as well. Stay tuned! But the next review I post will probably be American Gods by Neil Gaiman.

Many people are glad to have seen the end of 2016. It brought more celebrity deaths than I remember there ever being in one year. It brought a US election between Hilary Clinton and Donald Trump, with Trump coming out the winner. It brought terrorist attacks, refugee crises, and mass shootings.

But for me, it was quite an accomplished year. I ticked some things off my list that had been there for awhile. The most important achievements from this year were:

1. New job (and, hand in hand with that, quitting my old soul-sucking job)
2. Finally got my P’s (Provisional Driver’s License – after having my L’s for longer than I care to admit)
3. Finally finished the draft of ‘Wanted’

That last one was pretty tough. I was so close to finishing for weeks before the end of the New Year. Actually, on New Year’s Eve I was typing away on my laptop, trying desperately to finish the draft. I finished it (no joke!) at 11:50pm.

I had the entire week off work, and could have done it at any point, but clearly I found things like Skyrim and Once Upon a Time too important. The thing is, I am super stubborn. I knew how disappointed I would be in myself if I did not accomplish what was well within my ability to accomplish. So I typed away, getting in about 3,000 words in 40 minutes.

Things like that make me realise how I underestimate myself. How, if I put my mind to something, I can achieve it. I focus too much on my shortcomings that I fail to see all the things I am good at.

That is why, this year, I am trying to keep my resolution to one. I don’t want to list a bunch of things I may not be able to accomplish. Instead, I have one clear message for myself. To be true to myself, and to love myself. Maybe it is simple, but it is something I have been unable to achieve so far. I am always so wrapped up in worrying about what others have achieved and comparing myself to others, that I can’t move on.

I definitely have a lot of things I want to try. I want to eat healthier, exercise more, edit ‘Wanted’… but all these things can come under that one resolution. After all, what do any of these accomplishments mean if we don’t come out feeling happier?

I believe that writing, like anything else, is only worthwhile if it is fulfilling. Even in my darkest times, I have seen writing as a refuge. I want it to stay that way. I don’t want to turn it into something dark and fear-provoking. I don’t want to become burned out. But I want to continue to let inspiration flow through me, and I still see that light at the end of the tunnel that shows a finished product, a completed and edited novel.

I also want everyone out there not to let a failed resolution to be seen as a personal failure. Whatever could not be achieved in 2016, there is still 2017. Here’s to a better year, and to a happier outlook.

 

I just finished the novel Cleopatra’s Shadows by Emily Holleman.

I picked this book up, intrigued by the title and drawn in by the premise of three royal sisters, each with a very different path in life.

We all know the famous Cleopatra, daughter of Ptolemy ‘The Piper’, who rose to marry Julius Caesar and become Queen. This story, however, shows a different side of the story. Cleopatra’s Shadows follows the stories of two princesses. The elder Berenice, who rises to power after the King flees the land, and the younger Arisnoe, left behind to place herself at her half-sister’s mercy.

I am a great history buff, and I especially love ancient history and the rise and fall of monarchies. I have not heard this story touched on, as it is always Cleopatra that the stories are written about.

There are a lot of strong points to this novel. Firstly,  the writing style is very fluid and there are some great lines.

“Dawn’s rosy fingers stole her dream.”  Just one of the lines that flow effortlessly into a new sequence of the story.

But one of the lines that stayed with me was:

“I don’t think that being unafraid is the same as being brave. I think bravery is when you go even though you are frightened.”

Some authors do try too hard to ‘wax poetic’, but one of the things I most enjoyed was the way with words Holleman has. Not only the metaphors, but the imagery created by Arisnoe’s visions and historical references. In particular scenes, a comparison was created between either Berenice or Arisnoe and the great statues of the gods and even Alexander the Great, in one. It was a good tool to employ, that set a mood in the scene without being told how the character was feeling.

Both characters, while being quite different, have many overlapping qualities. They see in each other new hope. For Arisnoe, a new sister to confide in as she had Cleopatra. For Berenice, a closeness with a sibling like she had never experienced. I wish there had been more development of this relationship, especially being the only two women in a court full of men. The two characters had a good chemistry, and more could have been done there.

It underlined well the struggles of Berenice to maintain her position, to earn respect, and the many challenges of being a female ruler. Primarily, the constant pressure to marry and all the insecurities that came with it.

Understandably, history does not offer a lot of information about the sisters, overshadowed as they were by Cleopatra’s tragic and majestic tale. I have noticed that there is another book by Holleman called The Drowning King, which seems to follow on from this novel. It is due for release in April 2017, according to Holleman’s website. I am hoping that it will bring to light some of the plots that were not fully developed in Cleopatra’s Shadows. 

Reading this book has made me realise how one can find little hidden gems within history. There are many tales that we will never get to know, but if even a ‘minor’ set of characters can have such an intriguing story, then there will be fuel for historical novels for years to come.

I would recommend this novel to anyone who enjoys history as much as I do. I would give this book four out of five stars.

My next review will probably be for The Bronze Horseman by Paulina Simons. It was recommended to me by a friend, but I have a feeling there will be a lot of tears!

 

It’s drawing so close to the end of the year. At the end of it, the typical new years’ depression can set in – a depression wrought by all the resolutions for 2016 that never came about. I, for one, love to write lists at the beginning of the year. In the past I have often been fanciful, and even unrealistic. But as each year passes and the list does not dwindle, I lower the bar a little. I come a little further down to earth.

Being a person who constantly has their head in the clouds, it has not been easy. There have been many sleepless (even teary, even angry) nights where I have been filled with an endless frustration over my inability to complete those resolutions.

This year, however, I completed one and I am close to completing another. They are two items that have been on my list for years. The first was to quit my soul-destroying job and find a job I like. Believe it or not (and some days, I still cannot quite believe it), I found a job I am good at, and that I like, with people I enjoy working with and who seem to like working with me. I worked hard for it, don’t get me wrong. From the beginning of the year I was determined, and it was not until months later that I was successful. I applied for hundreds of jobs, and only from a handful of those did I receive interviews. But still, I did it.

“You rarely win, but sometimes you do.”

– Harper Lee

The next resolution, one that I am on the very precipice of completing, is to finish the draft for my novel ‘Wanted’. I have been writing it for the last five years, since my last year of University. I have been afraid that I had held onto it for too long, like another of my long-term projects. But this year, my determination seems to be winning over my self-doubt. I wrote a large chunk of it in NaNoWriMo and am left with nothing more than a few thousand words to write. With two weeks left until the years’ end, I know that I can finish it.

Maybe, to some, two goals achieved does not seem like much. But to me, it means everything. With every challenge I face, every obstacle I overcome, I gain more faith in myself. At times it is hard, and darkness seems to press all around. It makes motivation nearly impossible, and inspiration even more so.

But that is the thing. Too often we wait for inspiration, for that ‘click’ and knowing exactly what to write. It is a mistake I often make. But through methods such as NaNoWriMo, we are forced to push ourselves. I kept writing, even when I hated myself and my words and… well, everything. I just kept telling myself that it was only a draft, and it did not need to be perfect the first time around. I can’t wait until I finish the draft, because I have been imagining the ending for so long. I am also rewarding myself with some over-priced bluetooth earphones because I need motivation.

“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”

– Sylvia Plath

So, wish me luck, and I wish you all luck. Because we can do it, all of us.